Doin' Time.

Working in Iraq means different things to different people. With each person, working in Iraq elicits a truly amorphous opinion which can vary wildly depending on so many things. For all the ink spilled about this country, I doubt few literary efforts have recently spoke of its stability. It goes without saying, then, that unstable locale makes for an unstable life - or does it?

What Iraq meant to me during the months of May and June was captivity. It's a feeling not unfamiliar to anyone who has done as I am doing. I work in captivity, in a very real way. Walls all around. No parks, no concerts, no trails, no winding roads to drive too fast down. Just beige and mauve and mocha hues abound, and within those, more beige and mauve and mocha hues. Lifeless, hot, dire. Inescapable. All of this of my own choosing! I sparred with this all greatly.

I allowed my perception of my Iraqi setting to be a headwind that knocked me down just a little bit more every day. If you're wise and you're reading this, perhaps you've already picked up on where I'm going wrong.

The truth is, I yearned for what I didn't have. I would peruse Facebook and see my friends doing things and I'd want to be there. I'd look at concert schedules at my favorite venues and want to be there. I'd gaze at the stars at night and want to be there. Anywhere but here.

The truth beneath that truth is that life is and always will be what I make of it. Certain non-negotiable factors are in place: I am in Iraq, I am alive. It is up to me to make of it what I will. So while I struggled with the idea that I was doing time in prison with this headwind of burden always knocking me down, the truth is that a headwind turns into a tailwind just as soon as you turn around and have the wind to your back.

So that is what I've done. Now this wind I resented is a wind that propels me. I am here, and I can't change that. Yet, I am HERE! I have been allotted this time, with which I can do a lot of very worthwhile things. I can read as many books as I'd like, because I have time to do these things. I don't have parks or concerts or trails or winding roads to take up my time. I can get in the best shape of my life. I can write in this blog and I can write in general - something I've always yearned to do but always found reasons why I couldn't.

I understand that to be human means to adapt quickly and to adapt quickly means there is a latent capacity to take things for granted. True, we can take anything for granted, given prolonged exposure to it. This remains true whether I am in Iraq or I am at home or I am traveling the world. 

The "grass is greener" perspective is an easy one to fall into when you're not employing some modicum of wisdom or mindfulness. The truth is, at this very moment in my life, with myriad considerations for how I want things to be in the future (I won't bore you with the extensive details), this is where I need to be. On many levels, it makes sense, and in many ways, it will present me with a foothold to change the course of the rest of my life.

There, that isn't so bad.