How Books Become Me

Throughout this life I've read many books. The most memorable books synthesize, unbeknownst to me, and become part of who I am. Books change how I view the world around me and they change how I view myself. Pinnacle moments are those where I set the book aside, gaze idly at the ceiling, and allow myself to acquiesce to the acknowledgement that a book has changed me.

This synthesis is fascinating to me, just as humans are amazing as well. That we can pick up a book, so full of words and effort and sentiment, and assimilate its contents with resultant change in who we are is simply amazing.

Below I've listed some of my favorite books, particular quotes which shook me or at least faintly resonated, and what the quotes mean to me.

"Norwegian Wood" by Haruki Murakami

I've read "Norwegian Wood" three times. I identified with the book almost immediately. The protagonist, Toru Watanabe, is a book-loving introvert; a recurring theme in Murakami's books. It was recently adapted as a movie, but a certain peril became of the movie which is commonplace for film adaptations: pieces were missing. I digress. Quotes.

"Don't feel sorry for yourself. Only assholes do that." Nagasawa, to Watanabe.

This is not an incredibly profound quote, but it struck me nonetheless. I've never derived merit of any sort from periods of self-pity. An ugly truth in this world is that no one, aside from the small circle of truly intimate friends and family, truly cares for your struggles or purported swan song. The less time spent brooding over your own misfortunes or perceived misfortunes, the better. Far better to foist yourself unto your next effort, and it's always made me feel better to simply start working toward a new goal rather than clamber in the wake of a recently failed goal or relationship.

“But who can say what's best? That's why you need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. My experience tells me that we get no more than two or three such chances in a life time, and if we let them go, we regret it for the rest of our lives.” 

Ever been completely absent in the midst of what should have been a happy moment? Be here now, and fiercely so. If it makes you happy and it won't harm anyone else, then don't think too much about how others will feel about it; enjoy. We're all positioned along this timeline of being alive with no certain grasp of when the timeline ends; the more time spent genuinely enjoying what you love, the better. One less death bed regret.

"Infinite Jest" by David Foster Wallace

Still in the midst of this prodigious literary effort. Still, there are enough quotes I've tripped over that have left their mark. Sometimes I feel like this entire book is one big transcendental quote.

"The truth will set you free, but not before it is finished with you."

Much of David Foster Wallace's literary value comes from his ability to pierce the veneer of casual lament and invade psychic space that you thought was yours, and yours alone. As in DFW has been skulking about your psychic quarters and rest lamplight on the darkest corners. 

This quote reminds me of a scenario where two people are in love, and while one of the lovers is away from home, the other lover is sifting through the closet, until this lover finds the journal of the other lover. The lover knows that reading this journal will hurt - because we all know that the purpose of journals is to house those painful truths which can't live sustainably well in open air - but goes on and reads the damn journal anyway. Predictably the person becomes hurt, even though he/she knew this would be the outcome. The truth is like that: the very best lessons in life bury their stinger deep into adipose tissue and you can't just scrape the damn barb out. It will come out when it's ready. You'll be better and wiser in the end, but not without the requisite amount of suffering enveloping you first.

“That sometimes human beings have to just sit in one place and, like, hurt. That you will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do. That there is such a thing as raw, unalloyed, agendaless kindness. That it is possible to fall asleep during an anxiety attack. That concentrating on anything is very hard work.”

This quote is part of a much larger passage, all of it armed to the teeth with keenly sharpened truth daggers that penetrate the perfunctory psyche that's necessary to trudge through the menial times. I haven't directly experienced the panic attack, but the rest of this is absolute resonant truth. 

"Shantaram" by Gregory David Roberts

I loved Shantaram so much upon completing it (another fairly long read) that I forced it upon many of my friends as a Christmas gift. Hopefully they enjoyed it, those who bothered to read it. Shantaram is really just a book about life, but it takes place in India and pulls no punches, makes no provisions to romanticize the country - yet at the same time these grimey depictions are also what make it that much more endearing.

"I don’t know what frightens me more, the power that crushes us or our endless ability to endure it."

This quote is about mankind's inherent attributes: to exploit, manipulate and oppress the people we should care about, and the ability by those on the receiving end to just endure it, and emerge from the other side of that experience and one day again smile so hard it splits the corners of your mouth, or just laugh so hard you pee yourself just a little - a dignified amount of laughter-induced micturation. This quote has presented it as a truth to me both firsthand and in reading, and it's a microcosm of what it means to be human, to me. The fiercely selfish and evil desire to win out regardless of who it may destroy, and then in turn the ability of humans to just withstand it. Sometimes it all gets stripped away and you're left with nothing but a flesh hull, something beating inside, and your posture. And then the future continues to unfurl before you and things get better, and one day you look in the rearview mirror, appraise that time you were crushed, and think to yourself, "how the hell did I make it through that?"

“Sooner or later, fate puts us together with all the people, one by one, who show us what we could, and shouldn’t, let ourselves become. Sooner or later we meet the drunkard, the waster, the betrayer, the ruthless mind, and the hate-filled heart. But fate loads the dice, of course, because we usually find ourselves loving or pitying almost all of those people. And it’s impossible to despise someone you honestly pity, and to shun someone you truly love. ” 

The best action we can take in beholding the mistakes of those around us is to honor them by not making those same mistakes. And I find it true: you can't hate those you pity. And you can't truly shun someone if you love them, and love is genuine. A flaw is just as much a part of a person's composition as any accomplishment they've ever had.

And now to depart from books and dive into my other favorite subject: music! Random array of music below.

I've played this long a lot recently. After seeing Bassnectar live, I now hear the songs and think to myself "I know what this song feels like." And I smile.

Seven Lions is establishing a musical identity in the darker corners of electronic music. He's making it his style and I'm enjoying it thoroughly.

Digging some Swim Deep recently.

The Weeknd's take on "Odd Look" by Kavinsky is spectacular to me.

Enjoy. And, until next time.